Suffering In Silence
by Matrix14
Summary: Hasn't anybody ever wondered about Janet's background? Hasn't anybody ever wondered how she got into the whole military thing? I have, and that's why I wrote this fic. Deals with issues such as child abuse. Contains a leetle bit of D/J. Please please revi


Suffering In Silence  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Janet Fraiser sat huddled on her bed, hugging her knees and rocking backwords and forwards, crying.   
She felt so stupid for running away, but she was scared by what had happened. She was angry at him  
for kissing her, even though she knew it wasn't his fault that he didn't know about her. She shook as   
she tried to stop herself from remembering, but it was no use.  
  
~~~~  
Please dry your eyes, young girl,  
Don't cry, you're beautiful.  
It's not your fault, young girl,  
Don't cry, you're beautiful.  
You're not the one to blame,  
Soon it will be okay,  
One day you'll realise,  
You're beautiful.  
~~~~  
  
A thirteen year-old girl sat huddled in a corner, waiting for her mother to slam the door. She heard the  
bang and tried not to cry out in fear. She knew what was going to happen, and there was nothing she   
could do.  
  
"Janet!" He yelled from the bottom of the stairs. "Get down here!"  
  
She could tell he'd been drinking again. That's all he did. She knew when she went downstairs there'd  
be empty bottles all over the floor. She didn't know why her mother put up with it, it was never like this  
with her Dad.  
  
~~~~  
It was a Saturday,  
A cold afternoon.  
Inside this house there lived  
A frightened young girl.  
~~~~  
  
She hated her mother for leaving her with him. Surely her mother knew what he was like, what he'd do.  
She began to cry, trying not to make a noise in case he 'punished' her for that as well. When she had  
nightmares and screamed in her sleep he punished her, and the bruises were still fresh. When she   
tripped and knocked a bowl off the table, he'd broken her wrist he'd grabbed hold of her so hard. Both  
times he'd told her mother that she fell out of a tree she was climbing, or that she fell.   
  
She couldn't do anything to stop him. She was just a skinny kid, and he was a large man. She saw how  
he hit her sister before she moved out and how she just took it. She thought that if she did what her   
sister did, she could bear it until she was sixteen, then she would move out.  
  
~~~~  
She didn't know what she should do,  
How she missed her mother so,  
When she left her all alone  
With her stepfather.  
~~~~  
  
"I'll come and get you if you don't come down!" Came the voice.  
  
She knew that if she didn't go, it would make it worse, so she tried to stand up. Her legs were shaking  
so much that she crumpled back to the floor and lay there silently sobbing.   
  
She heard the footsteps coming up the stairs, each one heavy because of the thick soled boots he   
wore. She'd been kicked with them on more than one occassion, and suffered a broken rib because of  
it. Again he'd told her mother that she was so accident prone, and ruffled her hair with unneccessary  
force.  
  
She rubbed her eyes and tried to make it look like she wasn't scared, but she was shaking so much it   
was impossible.  
  
~~~~  
Please dry your eyes, young girl,  
Don't cry, you're beautiful.  
It's not your fault, young girl,  
Don't cry, you're beautiful.  
You're not the one to blame,  
Soon it will be okay.  
One day you'll realise,  
You're beautiful.  
~~~~  
  
"Hiding from me?" He asked in a menacing voice.   
  
She tried to shake her head, but she couldn't move.  
  
"I asked you a question!" He yelled. "Answer me!"  
  
"N-no." She choked.  
  
"I can't hear you."  
  
"No!" She said, louder.  
  
"Liar." He whispered and hit her so hard that her head flew backwards and hit the wooden bed-end.  
  
She sat, dazed, vaguely aware of the blood trickling down the side of her face. He pulled her up roughly  
by her arm so that she whimpered with pain and fear.   
  
"Don't lie to me." He hissed in her ear, "Because people that lie have to be punished."  
  
She felt as though she was going to faint from the pain, but knew that if she did, he'd punish her more.  
  
"What are you?" He asked her.  
  
"I-I don't know." She managed to say.  
  
"You're a freak of nature. You're a waste of space. Your mother wanted an abortion when she found  
out about you. What a pity she didn't. You're a useless piece of trash. Say it."  
  
She tried to open her mouth, but it was like her brain wasn't in charge anymore. He tightened his grip  
on her arm.  
  
"Say it!" He hissed.  
  
"I-I'm a useless p-piece of t-trash." She sobbed.  
  
"Good. Now sit on the bed."  
  
She obeyed him and sat down on the edge of her bed. She knew what was coming next.  
  
~~~~  
He touched her places  
That he shouldn't have touched.  
He did some things to her  
That he shouldn't have done.  
Then she ran into her room,  
Waited for her mother to come home,  
And the tragedy began  
For this young girl.  
~~~~  
  
Hours later, he too left the house, probably to go and find one of his girlfriends, and Janet felt her whole  
body sigh with relief. She stripped off her clothes and got into the shower, scouring herself with the   
almost too hot water, trying to make herself feel clean. But no matter how hard she scrubbed her skin,  
or how hot the water was, she still felt dirty.  
  
Her tears mingled with the water on her face. Maybe he was right, maybe she was trash. Her mother  
had never wanted her, even wanted an abortion. She felt the hopelessness of the situation bear down   
on her and hoped that her mother still loved her enough to listen to her.  
  
~~~~  
She told her mother,  
Her family and friends.  
No one believed her,  
Because before this happened,  
She was filled with hate and anger,  
Towards her stepfather,  
Because he took her mother from her  
When they married.  
~~~~  
  
She told her mother what had happened when she came home. Her mother didn't believe her.  
  
"You've always hated him!" Her mother screamed at her, "You're so selfish that you can't bear to see   
me happy!"  
  
"But it's true!" She screamed back, tears streaming down her face.  
  
"Liar!" Her mother slapped her hard across the face. "Get out of my house! Go and find your father, he  
was the one that wanted you in the first place!"  
  
Janet was thrown out of the house without a change of clothes or any of her possessions, not that   
there were many of them.  
  
~~~~  
Please dry your eyes, young girl,  
Don't cry, you're beautiful.  
It's not your fault, young girl,  
Don't cry, you're beautiful.  
You're not the one to blame,  
Soon it will be okay,  
One day you'll realise,  
You're beautiful.  
~~~~  
  
She went to the address her father had given her three years before, only to find that he had moved.  
She went to the nex address and the door was opened by a blond woman in her thirties.  
  
"Darling!" The woman had called up the stairs, "There's someone to see you!"   
  
She turned back to Janet, eyed her tattered clothes and knotted hair, and said,   
  
"He'll be down in a minute, sweetie. Just wait there."   
  
With that, the woman retreated into the house and Janet heard a quick exchange of voices, followed by   
the screams of joy from children in the garden. It made Janet sick to think that her father had other   
children.  
  
He father came to the door, looking decidedly fatter than the last time she'd seen him. When he saw   
her, he pulled some money out of his pocket, counted it out and held it out to her.   
  
"I'm sorry I didn't pay you last week, you did a very good job on the car by the way." He said.  
  
Janet stood, amazed, feeling tears spring to her eyes. Her own father thought that she was a car   
washer for some charity? Her own father didn't recognise her?  
  
"No," She stammered, he looked at her puzzled.  
  
"I'm sorry, but that's all I have." He said. "You did say any donation was welcome..."   
  
"No," She said again, interupting him, "I'm your daughter."  
  
"Janet?" He said, amazed, then looked into the hall behind him quickly before coming outside and pulling   
the door shut. "Janet?" He said again, "What are you doing here?"  
  
"Mum threw me out of the house. She told me to find you."  
  
"But why?" He said, puzzled.  
  
"Because I'm homeless!" Janet said, exasperated and hurt, "And you're my father."  
  
"You want somewhere to stay?" He asked.  
  
"Yes please." Janet said hopefully.  
  
"Well, I'm sorry, honey. But I have a new family now. I don't think Beth would like it much if you came  
and lived here, and neither would the kids. Can't you just go back to your mother?"  
  
Janet stood speechless as tears threatened once again.  
  
"She threw me out, I-I can't go back!" She cried, her voice breaking.  
  
Her father gave her a look of helpless pity and got out his wallet. He pulled out a bundle of notes  
and stuffed them into her hand.  
  
"Here, take this. There's a motel round the corner." He stopped as Beth called,  
  
"Honey? Is everything okay?"  
  
"Look after yourself, Janet." With that, her father shut the door. She heard him say to his wife, "It's  
okay, honey. It was the girl from the car wash."  
  
Janet stood and felt the tears finally escape. She sniffed and hugged herself. Nobody wanted her, she  
was on her own from now on.  
  
~~~~  
She looked for her father,  
And the minute that she saw him,  
She thought all she had to offer   
Was her body.  
~~~~  
  
She survived for the next two years, using her father's money first to get a room at the motel, then   
she got a job as a waitress in a dodgy cafe in the bad area of the city. She bottled her pain and fear and  
all her memories up inside her, and told no one about herself. The men in the cafe had soon learned   
that she didn't take kindly to them touching her as she served their tables, and they also learned that it  
was dangerous to do so.  
  
She enrolled in a night school and excelled at her studies. She was told it would be a good idea for her   
to go to medical school when she turned eighteen.  
  
She learned to look after herself, and got through by using her looks to get her various jobs, and to  
make herself look older than she actually. She learned to be tough, and became strong by never   
confronting her past.  
  
When she was fifteen, she met Darrell, a thirty year old small-time gangster wannabe who took a liking  
to her. He had plenty of money, and Janet realised that he could offer her a better life. She told him she   
was seventeen, and he believed her, and took her into his home as a prize girl to show off to his friends.  
  
Then it started.   
  
~~~~  
She rebelled and one day,  
The young girl fell in love  
With another man like her stepdad.  
He abused her emotionally  
And made her feel she was worthless.  
~~~~  
  
"Where you goin' baby?" He drawled at her from a chair.  
  
"To night school."  
  
"Why you goin' there baby? Did I do somethin' wrong?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Come over here."  
  
Janet walked over to him and tensed as he pulled her closer to him.   
  
"Don't stay out too long." He told her, before kissing her hand.  
  
When she got back from night school, she walked in and saw him and his friends, or 'associates' as he  
called them, sitting in the lounge surrounded by broken bottles, and a haze of cigar smoke. She had a   
sudden flashback of her childhood and blanched.  
  
"Oh, there you are, baby!" He said, trying to stand up and failing. He beckoned for her to come over.  
  
She walked over, picking her way through the bottles, as his friends watched her with hungry  
expressions on their faces.   
  
He pulled her onto his lap and tried to put his hand up her blouse.  
  
"Honey, don't." She told him, squirming away from him.  
  
He tightened his arm round her and hissed,  
  
"Why not, baby?" In her face, breathing his alcoholic breath over her.  
  
"Not in front of your friends."  
  
"Why not, baby?" He said again. He pushed his hand up her skirt instead.  
  
"No!" She stood up and moved away from him.   
  
He stood up and hit her hard across the face.   
  
That night, he and his friends did the same to her as her stepfather used to all those years ago. The   
next morning, while they were all asleep, she crept out of the house and got a cab with the money   
she'd taken from his wallet.   
  
She sat in the back of the cab, looking at her reflection in the window and seeing the tears roll down   
her cheeks.   
  
~~~~  
I hope one day she realises  
And sees the beauty in her eyes.  
All she needs is prayer and strength,  
And she is beautiful.  
~~~~  
  
She went to military school and excelled at everything she did, once again hiding her past and never  
once mentioning it to anyone.   
  
Becoming a doctor was the best thing she ever did. After being hurt so many times, she felt better for  
healing other people.  
  
Back in the present, Janet woke herself from her reverie. For the first time in her life, she had gone over   
her life and remembered everything she'd been through.  
  
She remembered what had brought on her memories and felt grief go through her like a knife.   
  
Daniel, in his halting, nervous way had finally plucked up the courage to tell her how he felt. He had  
bent his head and kissed her.   
  
She had wanted him to do that for so long, but when he finally did, the contact had brought memories  
of what the other men in her life had done to her. She ran off, afraid, to her quarters and sobbed. She  
loved Daniel so much, but her past was stopping her from telling him so.  
  
She felt so bad as she thought of Daniel's face. His expression was one of puzzlement and hurt. She   
hated herself for doing that to him. She knew how long it had taken him to get over Sha're, and now  
he would think that she had rejected him.  
  
She hugged her knees closer and bowed her head in silent tears.  
  
~~~~  
Please dry your eyes, young girl,  
Don't cry, you're beautiful.  
It's not your fault, young girl,  
Don't cry, you're beautiful.  
You're not the one to blame,  
Soon it will be okay.  
One day you'll realise,  
You're beautiful.  
~~~~  
  
"Janet?" Daniel said nervously.  
  
She lifted her head and sobbed again as she saw him looking extremely guilty, standing next the bed.  
He down next to her and touched her hand tentatively. She pulled away and he looked even more  
grief stricken.  
  
"I'm sorry, Janet. I didn't mean to upset you. I thought you felt the same way, I should never have -"  
  
"No, It's not your fault." She said. "I need to explain some things to you."  
  
"But -"  
  
"I didn't mean to run off. I didn't want to, I do feel the same way, but..." She stopped as tears began   
to flow again.  
  
Daniel put his hand on hers and when she didn't move away, he slipped his arm round her and pulled  
her to him. He stroked her hair and wondered what had upset her so much. He hoped it wasn't him.  
  
Janet swallowed. She was ashamed of her past, and she'd done her best to hide it all her life. But she   
knew that if she was going to be happy with Daniel, she had to tell him.  
  
~~~~  
Don't hold your head down,  
You've got so much to be proud of.  
You can still live your life,  
I promise you you'll survive.  
He'll love you,  
You're beautiful.  
~~~~  
  
  
  
Finito  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, but I do own the plot. The song 'The Story Of Beauty' is by   
Destiny's Child and can be found on 'Survivor' the album.  
  
Author's Note: Hi everyone. This fic came about when I suddenly thought 'why don't we know anything  
about Janet?' and I was listening to the C.D. at the time.  
Please review!  
  
I would also just like to say: If you've been the victim of any kind of abuse, don't suffer in silence. Tell  
someone, and remember; it's not your fault. 


End file.
